Stigma

I weighed myself a couple of weeks ago. I'm under 200 pounds. I was happy to see the 199 on the scale. There was a time I would have never believed anyone that told me I would ever weight that much in my life. But, here I am. It sounds like such a big number. It sound more like guys who are trying to bulk up.
The real big deal about that has to do with the stigma that comes with being overweight in our society. I'm considered someone who doesn't know how to take care of themselves...someone that doesn't care about taking care of themselves. It seems most people think that if I cared I would do something about it and therefore be slender. What they don't see is someone who does have healthy habits and still manages to be overweight. I wish it weren't that way. But, it is. I guess as I lose more weight - I get to feel more like a productive member of society. I know. I can feel like I can manage to feel good about myself as I know I'm doing the best I can...at the same time...I have to accept the fact that those around me will still consider me lazy.

Dress Shopping

I was looking at this dress to purchase as a possible option for an event and to wear throughout the summer. I wear dresses and skirts all year long - and even more so during warmer months. I have been needing to get something that doesn't look quite so warn out to wear to church. It's just time.:} So, I was hoping it would work for the event - but, thought that even if I needed to figure something else out for that at least I would have this an a viable option to where this summer. I had made the decision to purchase. I selected my size and just like that 2/3 of my options were gone - including the dress that I was hoping to buy. I don't know why I didn't put the size in before. I've had this experience with previous purchases. It occurred to me...again...that if you're overweight...your options are limited. I don't know why the same things can't be made a little bigger in all of the styles - but, to all of the sudden go from over forty options to just fourteen (yes, I counted) options...it bothered me a little bit. The one I wanted was gone. As you can guess, the smaller the size, the more options there were available. I feel like this is something that happens pretty often. It can be in a store...it can be online...doesn't matter...there are fewer options for those of us who wear bigger sizes. It certainly doesn't help us look great when there are times we feel like we need to wear something we like but don't necessarily love...something that fits okay...but, not quite right...something that will pass for the occasion...but, not something we feel good in because it wasn't our first and favorite choice. It's a thing.

It's also a thing that now I have to start all over. I have other things to do with my time and emotional energy.

(I know the link above doesn't show the specific dress I was looking at...if you do go there...it's one called 'Blue A-15'.)

Uncomfortable

I went to the UCAP Conference on Saturday. I will be sharing details elsewhere. I wanted to share an experience while I was there that made me think of this blog. I had gone into one of the rooms for a session. The room was already pretty full. People had started to sit on the floor and stand against the walls. I just wanted one seat. I was almost out of options when I noticed a seat that might not have been claimed. I asked about it and sure enough - no one had claimed it yet. There was a guy standing in the isle that informed me that his jacket was on the seat he was going to use but that the seat next to that was empty. He was kind of on the bigger side - but, I didn't really think much about it. I then walked over all the people to the middle of the row. I hadn't realized - until I was about to sit down that the man that would be sitting on the other side of me was big enough that he was already using part of the chair I would be using. So, I took the rest of the seat and started to get ready for the session to start. I'm not sure if there was a way at that point to politely back out of the decision I had made. The next thing I knew - the other guy was taking his seat and I felt like I was in the middle of an airplane middle of the row nightmare. Ok. So maybe at that moment I didn't quite get to the nightmare stage. But, I did notice there was an issue. The couple next to the guy that had just sat down were obviously associated with him somehow because they offered to let him scoot towards them more. He quickly disconnected his seat from mine and scooted over saying something about how that would be better. He has obviously realized that three overweight people were not going to work very well in three seats that were so close together. So, during the whole session I was doing my best to keep myself as small as possible - taking up the least amount of room as possible. Ugh. It was uncomfortable for all of us I think. The man that had already been sitting down leaned forward partway through the lecture. He also seemed to do his best to keep his arm in front of him instead of at his side. I should have used a little foresight and not sat down where I did. I'm guessing both of those guys were hoping the seat in between them would go unnoticed. But, surprise. I decided to sully their experience for them. Sorry guys. I'm sure they would have been just fine with my sitting there if I had been smaller and fit just right in two-thirds of a chair.