Stigma

I weighed myself a couple of weeks ago. I'm under 200 pounds. I was happy to see the 199 on the scale. There was a time I would have never believed anyone that told me I would ever weight that much in my life. But, here I am. It sounds like such a big number. It sound more like guys who are trying to bulk up.
The real big deal about that has to do with the stigma that comes with being overweight in our society. I'm considered someone who doesn't know how to take care of themselves...someone that doesn't care about taking care of themselves. It seems most people think that if I cared I would do something about it and therefore be slender. What they don't see is someone who does have healthy habits and still manages to be overweight. I wish it weren't that way. But, it is. I guess as I lose more weight - I get to feel more like a productive member of society. I know. I can feel like I can manage to feel good about myself as I know I'm doing the best I can...at the same time...I have to accept the fact that those around me will still consider me lazy.

Sticking With It

I've actually lost some weight in the last little while. I've been focusing on healthy habits. That's my main thing...I just want to be healthy. I want to feel well. I want to have energy to accomplish what I need to do. I want to be able to have the freedom of movement. I want to live an active life. I want to live longer than I might (never know) if I weren't taking care of my body. I want to live without the complications of things like diabetes and heart issues.
Like I said...I have lost some weight. I've dropped sizes in my clothing. I'm currently hovering around 200 pounds. That's so hard to say out loud. One never thinks they're going to weight that much...especially considering the genes I have. I'd love to lose more. But, if I never do that will have to be okay. I feel healthier and I am able to do more. I have more energy and feel better about life in general. I think those things make the healthy habits worth it. I'm also telling myself that muscle weighs more than fat. I know that's true and I know I've not only been losing the fat...but, I can also tell that I have more muscle. So, I'm sticking with it.

In Between

I'm in between sizes. I've noticed especially with my swim suits...size 18 is too big and 16 is too small...just barely. It would be nice to have something that fits since I'm in the pool doing water aerobics three times a week. I'm hoping that it won't be too long until the 16 fits. I use both sizes - just not sure it's actually working.
I've noticed a difference with clothes as well. The sizes I used to get are a bit too big now. I even grabbed a pair of capris out of the D.I. bag before we took it over. Nice to have something 'new'. I'll need to start downsizing a little. There are times I'll still do the same size. It's just that I know it'll fit now. There will be other times that I'll do a size smaller than what I've been doing. The time that I felt most fit during my adult years was when I did a size 10 jeans and a medium size shirt. I don't think I'll get back to that again - but, I'm glad I'm getting closer. I feel stronger and have more energy. So, that's good.

Big Boned

It's been awhile. I just had something pop into my head. This happened a couple weeks ago. I was in water aerobics class and started a conversation with a gal that started coming to the class not too long ago. We were talking about the class, exercise, being overweight, and making efforts to be healthy. During the conversation she said something about how people just don't get that some people are just big boned. It hit me that she was including both she and I in that statement. I didn't tell her that I'm really not big boned. I might look like I am now. But, I'm really not. Somehow it seems worse. If I were big boned and someone referred to be that way...it wouldn't be a big deal. It just is what it is. The thing is...that's not what it is for me. I spent part of my growing up years thinking that I would be 'skinny' like my mom. We were both teased at school about the subject. That's not being big boned. That's gaining weight that shouldn't be there. So, instead of being slender and possibly at times feeling like I might not have enough of a 'figure', I now know that I have too much of a 'figure' and I'm the only one responsible for that. It doesn't help that my metabolism has slowed greatly as I've gotten older.