Dress Shopping

I was looking at this dress to purchase as a possible option for an event and to wear throughout the summer. I wear dresses and skirts all year long - and even more so during warmer months. I have been needing to get something that doesn't look quite so warn out to wear to church. It's just time.:} So, I was hoping it would work for the event - but, thought that even if I needed to figure something else out for that at least I would have this an a viable option to where this summer. I had made the decision to purchase. I selected my size and just like that 2/3 of my options were gone - including the dress that I was hoping to buy. I don't know why I didn't put the size in before. I've had this experience with previous purchases. It occurred to me...again...that if you're overweight...your options are limited. I don't know why the same things can't be made a little bigger in all of the styles - but, to all of the sudden go from over forty options to just fourteen (yes, I counted) options...it bothered me a little bit. The one I wanted was gone. As you can guess, the smaller the size, the more options there were available. I feel like this is something that happens pretty often. It can be in a store...it can be online...doesn't matter...there are fewer options for those of us who wear bigger sizes. It certainly doesn't help us look great when there are times we feel like we need to wear something we like but don't necessarily love...something that fits okay...but, not quite right...something that will pass for the occasion...but, not something we feel good in because it wasn't our first and favorite choice. It's a thing.

It's also a thing that now I have to start all over. I have other things to do with my time and emotional energy.

(I know the link above doesn't show the specific dress I was looking at...if you do go there...it's one called 'Blue A-15'.)

Weekly Ritual

I weighed myself this morning. It was the lowest I've been since I've started weighing myself each week. I'm only up for taking on the task once a week. All the back and forth is too much for more often than that. I'm also not focusing on the number - so, it doesn't really make sense to try and weigh myself daily. It was enough to hold off on a couple of offered treats earlier today. Although, I did give into some ice cream that made its way out of our freezer this evening. Win Some. Lose Some.

Quick Update

I took a walk again today. I've been more consistent with my stretching and exercises. I just need to keep up the habits and then add a little more at a time. I feel like I can move around a little better. There are also times I feel like I actually have muscles in there somewhere.
I've been doing better with sleep as well. I get to bed earlier. That has help me feel better too. I'm hoping to keep doing better with that as well.

Uncomfortable

I went to the UCAP Conference on Saturday. I will be sharing details elsewhere. I wanted to share an experience while I was there that made me think of this blog. I had gone into one of the rooms for a session. The room was already pretty full. People had started to sit on the floor and stand against the walls. I just wanted one seat. I was almost out of options when I noticed a seat that might not have been claimed. I asked about it and sure enough - no one had claimed it yet. There was a guy standing in the isle that informed me that his jacket was on the seat he was going to use but that the seat next to that was empty. He was kind of on the bigger side - but, I didn't really think much about it. I then walked over all the people to the middle of the row. I hadn't realized - until I was about to sit down that the man that would be sitting on the other side of me was big enough that he was already using part of the chair I would be using. So, I took the rest of the seat and started to get ready for the session to start. I'm not sure if there was a way at that point to politely back out of the decision I had made. The next thing I knew - the other guy was taking his seat and I felt like I was in the middle of an airplane middle of the row nightmare. Ok. So maybe at that moment I didn't quite get to the nightmare stage. But, I did notice there was an issue. The couple next to the guy that had just sat down were obviously associated with him somehow because they offered to let him scoot towards them more. He quickly disconnected his seat from mine and scooted over saying something about how that would be better. He has obviously realized that three overweight people were not going to work very well in three seats that were so close together. So, during the whole session I was doing my best to keep myself as small as possible - taking up the least amount of room as possible. Ugh. It was uncomfortable for all of us I think. The man that had already been sitting down leaned forward partway through the lecture. He also seemed to do his best to keep his arm in front of him instead of at his side. I should have used a little foresight and not sat down where I did. I'm guessing both of those guys were hoping the seat in between them would go unnoticed. But, surprise. I decided to sully their experience for them. Sorry guys. I'm sure they would have been just fine with my sitting there if I had been smaller and fit just right in two-thirds of a chair.

Leg Muscles

I realized today that I have no muscles in my legs. Yep, it's true. It looks like there must be some there because you can't miss my thighs.:} The thing is - there's not much in the way of actual toned muscle and I have plenty that needs to be lifted when I get up. Thus, the reason I can tell. I almost have to push or pull myself up these days. That needs to change. I have some exercises from the chiropractor that I need to do. I'm hoping as I get better at them I'll be able to move onto even more. I miss the days when I was able to move around without any issues.

Fresh Air

I had a chance to get outside and get some fresh air while taking a walk today. It was nice to get out in the sunshine. I was proud of myself for getting out and moving instead of staying inside and taking a nap. It was tempting. I had just finished a class, been productive for most of the day, and was very tired. But, instead of laying down - I went outside instead. I was so glad. It always helps to be in nature...moving around is good too.

One Thing

I'm still focusing on attempting a good night's sleep. It's really a matter of getting to bed at a decent time. I fall asleep just fine once I'm actually in bed. I just need to get myself there. It's harder with hubby gone.
I was thinking today about how I need to be doing better with exercising and stretching (specific stretches from the chiropractor). I will do what I can to fit it in. But, I know if I start focusing on those things - I'll lose what I might have with my baby step goal of getting to bed 'on time'.

Sleeping Habits

I've decided to start with sleeping habits. I'm going to try my best to get a good night's rest. I've been working on it. I've only made a little progress. But, I'm just trying to do one step at a time...even if those steps are two steps forward and one step back. I also decided today that if I'm about to fall asleep anyway because I'm exhausted during the day - I'm going to 'cave' and take a nap. In the end it will be much more productive and definitely a happier life journey for all involved.

Current Status

I should probably start with saying that I just keep gaining weight the last little while. Some people work on losing weight - my current efforts are on NOT gaining more weight. I'm trying to do more to have balance in my life and take care of myself. My husband passed away this past fall. Being a cancer caregiver for years took its toll. I don't think I realized it at the time. But, now it's time for me to get back to feeling 'human'. Ok. So, it's not like I feel like an alien.:} It's just that it's time, like I said before, for me to be taking better care of myself. I'm hoping my efforts will bring me to a place where I can feel whole and healthy.

The Journey

This blog will be partly my story and partly observations in general. Although, it might morph into other things. We'll see. It just seems that as I start to think about weight there are so many other topics that come to mind as well. I just need a place to put it all. Weight has to do with how we feel, what we look like, how others see us, how we see ourselves, physical health, emotional health, habits, and the list goes on. I'm also guessing that people have different perspectives and experiences with weight and how it affects their lives. It should be an interesting journey.

What About Weight?

There have been a variety of topics swirling around my head as I think about the fact that I'm overweight and there are certain things that go along with that. It's possible it started with some of my experiences with buying clothes lately. Or, maybe how some of the clothes I have now used to fit well and now they don't. Maybe it's how people seem to perceive me. Maybe it's how I see myself. Maybe it's thinking it's all in my own head. I'm thinking it might be a journey to explore the different thoughts and topics that have to do with weight...whether we think we have too much of it or too little...or maybe...we think we're right where we want to be.

Weight. What?

I've been thinking about this topic for a bit. It's been on my mind more lately than it has at any other time in my life. Maybe. I decided to have a separate place to write about it so other blogs will still be able to continue to have their purpose.